got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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