Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
