there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
