you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
