The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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