i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
