So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
