you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
