I can text with my tongue
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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