You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
