I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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