We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
