hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
