Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
