Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
