I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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