roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
