Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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