I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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