I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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