youre lurking in front of me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
