...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
