...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
