I'm so fucking centered right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
