i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
