I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
