I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
