Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
