i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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