I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
