I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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