u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
