you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
