It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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