My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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