Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
