If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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