Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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