Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
