idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
