I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Someone shattered a urinal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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