Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The feeling are messing with the penis
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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