the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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