He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
