dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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