who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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