Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
