Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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