My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
