How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
