is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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