You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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