And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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