I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
