You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
