sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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