I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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