When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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