having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
