I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
