what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
