Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
