Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
