I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
