I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
