please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's the barista slut.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
