Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
