I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
