hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
