hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
