you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
