well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
