Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
