Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
