in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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